Help! My Child Refuses to Attend School!

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Help! My Child Refuses to Attend School! - By: Dr. Noel Swanson.., Posted on: 2007-03-28

"I need help! My 9 year old daughter has started resisting school. She misses several days every week, complaining of tummy or head aches. When I try to talk to her she screams and cries. She acts as if she's terrified to go."

You need to be firm with her. Don't count on the problem going away if you ignore it. She could end up not ever going back.

Still, you need to realize that her feelings are real. Showing anger won't help either of you.

Try to work out if her fear is about going to school (school phobia), leaving you or home (separation anxiety), or going into crowded public places (agoraphobia).

If it might be the first, check if she is being bullied, teased, embarrassed, or abused at, or on the way to, school. Work closely with the teachers to identify and deal with any problematic situations.

Have her pediatrician examine her. Tell him what's going on so that he can check for serious illness.

If he rules out an illness, then believe what he says. Don't have a lot of expensive tests. Assume that your child is physically well and needs to go to school. Keep assuring her firmly and confidently that she'll be fine (and so will you) once she arrives. If she still claims of physical ailments, you have two options;

Option one is to tell her she has to go to school. Of course if she shows symptoms of real illness, you would keep her home. Simply "not feeling good" isn't a good enough reason not to go. Adults go to work with headaches and other fairly minor ailments.

The second option is to take her word for it and act accordingly. Since she is ill, she should be in bed. Turn off her lights, close the curtains, and don't allow any TV or special snacks. Just go about your daily routine and don't give her any attention. Make sure that being at home is as boring as can be. If she can't sleep, then she should work on her studies. Don't allow any visitors.

You can also establish some rewards for going to school.

You must be tough and firm, but also calm, about all of this. Be clear that you expect her to be at school, but do not get into a fight with her about it. The goal is for her to want to get back as quickly as possible. Once there, and she discovers that nothing does happen to her or to you while at school, the symptoms of depression and anxiety should rapidly resolve.

If these techniques don't work and you think she may be seriously depressed or anxious, then find professional help by asking your family doctor for a referral.

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Article Source: http://higradesearch.com

Dr. Noel Swanson is a child psychiatrist who specializes in child behaviour problems. He writes for a fascinating website with lots of parenting help that is well worth a visit, not to mention his must-read book, The GOOD CHILD Guide.
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